Well, it’s been a few days since I’ve opened the trap of doom. I have been afraid to give myself the greenhexodoom.

As you know things have been down right ugly in my leg world so I went in for another block, hock, and I don’t know what he called it. When I woke up from my sleep of love the very first thing I said was “I don’t feel a damn thing”. For the first time in 15 months I had no electric feeling zapping me. I was stunned. He said if this worked it would only last 12 hours but that we could do it again wear it would last maybe 6 months or so.  For the next 29 hours I felt like a human being. It was just incredible – I had forgotten what it felt like to just be some what normal and no constant juice running through the body. It has returned and we will hopefully rectify the problem next week when I return from CT. Even though it has returned, I have not had the “shoot me” voltage so that is good in itself.

I’m going up to play in the member-guest tournament at Richter Park in Danbury. It has been my course for a whopping 35 years now.  It is just a beautiful place and if you have not played it you need to get your butts up there and do so. I feel for my lifetime friend Mr. Greg “Bags” Begler, he needs to play well.

Now, on to more exciting news – I have been rejected from 5 events in the sponsor world. It has not been since high school that I’ve been rejected so often. Truth be told I was never once rejected in high school, never asked anyone either. The tour decision infuriates me even more, but I have to work that much harder when we stop this leg pain and just play myself back onto this tour. I so look forward to the time when I can just look into their faces and smile.

It won’t be right if I went a blog without mentioning something about our political issues. I’m amazed that no one has run with the Joe Biden theory of splitting the country in three. The dopey name calling democrats can have Montana, North & South Dakota, and let’s throw in Alaska’s Anwar so they can hunt for food. The pot calling republicans can have Louisiana, Mississippi, ‘I never had sex with that women’ Arkansas and Hawaii, so they can keep stabbing at the fish. The rest of the normal Americans can just have the rest, where they can politely figure out our issues. (I mean no disrespect to anyone in those states – they are just points).

I can’t wait to have this procedure done again and desperately prey that Dr. Regenbaum has found gold. I so want to be human again and not a miserable old fart.

Be good my friends,

Ken

I have no choice but to open up my mouth again. How on earth does Mountdopey leave off Justin Rose & Paul Casey from the euro side? Rose has only won twice this year over here. Their qualifying system is obviously flawed. Casey is also much better than the other euros. Monty has never won over here, which is stunning in its own right. So it will be justice if they lose and you can clearly blame him and their system for their potential failure. More important is the disgrace of leaving that young man off the team. It has to be personal with not taking either one. Nothing against the Italian but it’s very possible a PR stun to help European golf – brothers is a story. Clearly, you might be able to tell I’m not a Mountdopey fan – he has been an ass for as long as he has been around. I will wager that he will someday be elected into the hall of fame and never have won in the United States.

Now, for some even for stunning news. My leg has come back firing and has been stupid ugly. We believe it might be connected with the ‘sympathetic nervous system’. There is no doubt in my mind that the recent news has affected my system. The emotional stress I have put on myself is waking up the pain gods I guess. We are gong to do another block tomorrow, and if that does not work we will be putting in a spinal implant that will hopefully help me cut off the pain.

Very glad for Matt Kuchar – he is a good kid and has fought his way back from the bottom.

Be good my friends.  Also, also someone invited me to play in Nashville but I have lost his email – thank you and think of me next year, but I will be in CT playing a member guest with one of my dearest friends on those dates. I may be a regular on that circuit – MG, I mean.

Ken

I may have spoke too soon as my afternoon as been filled with many surges, not stupid ones of the brain either. It may have been an omen to the news that I won’t be going to Pebble and the Hospice First Tee Open. I sit here in a state of disbelief as I once again have made the error of hoping for hope. I thank you all for listening to me babble in engolegism, as this is my 76th blog which is a bit higher than what I shoot these days.  So much for the theory that I’m such a credit for the tour.

I need a bubble bath filled with wine, women, and me. Off I go. Damn, I have none of the above at the house.

Ken

I’m about to open my mouth again so I might has well go in the barrel and enjoy the ride.

Before I do, I will talk about what is important – my pain. After 5 days of torment I now have had 4 days of really decent days (minus one). It’s kind of strange to actually almost feel semi-normal. There is still electricity in the stump but the levels are so much calmer.  I’m not sure if it can hold up yet under the physical regime of daily golf, but I’m gonna go slap it around this week and find out.

I’m hoping to get into the Pebble Beach event [ Sept3-5, Home Care & Hospice First Tee Open, http://www.pgatour.com/tournaments/s616 ] because it’s my favorite place in the world and has even more meaning because I can still see my son Hunter playing the loop holes of 9-13 five times as Jeannie and I sat on the 13th green and just watched him. It was our last trip together and I can’t get it out of my head. I haven’t heard yet, so I’m not so sure that’s a good sign on whether I’ll get an exemption.

First, to the Dustin Johnson and the PGA flap. The PGA of America continually makes decisions has bad as I do. With that said, you must remember that sometimes has a player you are in a different mindset when trying to win a tournament, so I have no problem with him being in “dumb” mode. However, his caddy, who makes a boat load of money, should never have made that mistake. This falls on him for the most part.

Now, to my good old moral-less Yankees. Ironic again that a player refused to admit the truth in battle. Jorge Posada was given credit for tagging a guy out at home and he never had the ball in his glove (umpire didn’t see it). He knew it and just smiled. If we can’t get the little things right in life what chance do we have on the big ones?

Speaking of the big things – Tiger Woods and the gang still seem to be missing some common sense. There is a bit of debate on this mandatory obligation to play 1 of 5 events every year. This is a no brainer – how on earth did Tiger never go back to Milwaukee when they gave him his first ever exemption? This event is now gone and wouldn’t it have been a great PR move if he stepped up and said he would actually cough up the money for a couple of years so they could find a new sponsor (not even coke money for him)? The PGA tour has lost and is losing too many locations that have been sponsors for evers. The players need to show more loyalty. This concept that golf is hard and it’s tough to play 20 events a year is a crock of skunk goose. The top players have jets and travel is like stealing. They spend more hours with their family than any other person who works. Golf is in trouble.  In my opinion when the people my age 50+ die off in 15-20 years or so, the population of golfers will drop dramatically. The younger population does not play enough to come even close to what we old hackers do. The next batch of CEOs will not be so interested in golf if their clients don’t care about it. We have to do more to get the middle and lower income kids into the game. It’s way to expensive – it must be cheaper. The tour, PGA, Tiger, Phil and all the other people who have stupid money should be building 9-hole facilities that are for kids only. Educate, teach and play golf all in one. Lets be honest – Black and Latin kids are not into golf, and probably won’t be – other sports are top on their list of fun. We have less American-African players than ever. Where is the Tiger effect? Golf is the best sport for all kids to play as it teaches you all the best qualities in a person, which in turn keeps you out of trouble. The First Tee is a fantastic organization but it’s still trying to figure out how to do all these things economically.

Once again I have jumped around like a case of diarrhea. I am what I am. Be good.

Love to all,

Ken

Oh boy! I played yesterday and it was the least amount of pain I’ve had playing golf in over a year. I was so psyched that maybe we were getting ready to defeat the evil empire. However, last night and today were absolutely horrific. I’m holding out that this is still the beginning of the end for pain.

With that being said, I’m about to relay some really bad news for me. We all remember how the PAC elected not to amend a change and give me a year’s medical exemption – something that is done often, I may add. They rightfully gave Lanny & Curtis a lifetime exemption on tour when their status was running south – they both deserved this based on their careers on tour. One of their theories was that I would be able to get exemptions whenever I wanted. I have written every event that is left on this year’s schedule. I’m currently batting 0 for 2. Now I’m not saying that this is how it will always be, but I’m saying because of this I may have to shut everything down for the rest of the year.

My problems are numerous that they may not have thought of…

1) Do I endure pain and try to improve on my scoring abilities or just show up and hack it around?

2) Clearly at this point I can’t play more than one event in a row, so this to eliminates some events.

 3) I need to know much farther in advance on receiving a spot than normal as this tells me whether to get “ready” or not (the other guys are playing all the time, so if they get a spot it’s an ‘OK lets go’).

4) The work that I’m going to have to but into the game to try and play real golf again is massive and do I bother to do this if I may only play once every 5 weeks or so?  This is a pretty brutal physical amount of work that I just don’t know if I will/can do without knowing for sure that I’ve got a year to prove myself.

5) I’m a whining pork hound. There are only 3 women who I love dearly who really know what I’ve been going through.  I kid you not when I say that if a gun were handy I would have used it many nights to stop the pain. I’ve caused them to all cry because they were watching me cry, flip flop on electric bolt and scream. They don’t deserve that. I shouldn’t be doing that to them.

I may have made the mistake of using golf as my reason for living on. I’m in complete shock at the thought that I may have to face the truth. I’m ashamed of myself for failing, for thinking that I may have to say good bye to real golf. I wonder if the guys on the PAC will be looking themselves in the mirror one day and say, damn I screwed him over for all the wrong reasons. I know the other idiot won’t, but they might.

I probably should not be blogging while I’m sitting here in a state of a semi comatose. I’m starting to understand the old samurai warrior as he fought for love, but then failed. How do I go from shooting my lowest round ever as a “legolessgimp” and feeling like I’m on top of the world to free falling all in 30 hours?  Well, I must stop this belly whining before I say something even dumber than I allready said.

Be good my friends,

Ken

Holy fly on a pig’s pork belly! I’m typing again. I have been given orders from far away in Europe to express myself once again. So, today I will spit on myself and comment on some interesting news in golf…

First out of the lion’s mouth is Alexi Thompson, the 15 year old female golfer who has created some news on her turning pro so soon. It is her and her family’s decision on whether to turn pro. No one else. LPGA player Stacy Lewis may have been drinking vodka when she said “it’s not a junior tour”.  Age is irrelevant when playing golf. Ask Tom Watson who lost in a playoff at the Open at age 59! Did they say sorry Tom you’re too forking old, go back to the toilet seat?! If you’re good enough and want to play, go get’um!

In a Ken Green way of the tongue, did anyone say it’s not a lesbian tour when many were expressing themselves in a different manner?  Classic point I say. Now onto the CEO of Turning Stone who caused such a bulldong of news when he was granting himself an exemption. On a side note, those pinheads never even had the courtesy of writing back to me when I asked for an exemption a few years ago.  Back on subject – did it ever occur to anyone that he was doing this to strictly drum up publicity for the event?  Brilliant move. He withdrew his exemption at the last minute. Go figure.

If Lee Westwood wins this week he goes to #1 in the world.  Now you understand my complaints about the ranking system. Craphogs I say! We must now talk about the “majors”, the holy grail of golf. More stink on perfume! When Jack reinvented the theory that majors are the only thing that matters, did it ever dawn on anyone that this too was a brilliant strategy on his part?  He only wanted to play a small number of events, so maybe he thought that this was a better way to go down in history. Majors have changed throughout the years.  How and why if they were majors could they change? The best field in golf is the Players and Jack & Co. refused to acknowledge that as a major because of their dislike of one of my favorite dopes in golf, ex-commissioner Deane Beman. The Masters is the easiest one to win multiple times as it never has a “fluke” come out of no where. A very small field too.

To go down as great in history, you must win many tournaments.  Larry Nelson has won 3 majors, but no one ever talks about him as being great. Andy North 2 U.S. Opens; Dalyhas 2 majors – I hope your seeing my point.  I’m “golfadoging” too much. Common sense says you need to do both. GIVE CREDIT TO ALL WINS.

Should I start another subject or wait ‘till Friday? This no golf thing and waiting around is gonna put me in the blender. Be good and shake well. I have only a few marbles left.  Wait till I tell you I’m talking to energy spirits from the other side.

Be good,

Ken

Shocking news in the world! Mr. Munch and I are gonna tie the knot. I had to cave in once I came home. Damn it!  This third marriage is going to work, I just know it. The date is going to be Dec. 7 as we our going to honor all the service dogs who served our country in all our wars – a sometimes forgotten sacrifice made by our friends, dogs. I feel like such a bozo for having have left him for so long. We kissed and made up.

Now to the not so interesting news, my neuroma… As of right now, I can say that there has been no real difference. I’m waiting patiently and soon it will be like my income – zip.

Now there are some thoughts on the NFL.  Brett Favre use to be respected by me, but after this most recent handling of his “retirement”, he has dropped to just a few notches ahead of M.Vick. I think that fans of all sports should just boycott for a day so we could remind them all that we play these games for the people not ourselves. And that includes Golf! I’m hoping that the owners & players can’t come to an agreement so the whole 2011 season gets cancelled. Lessons are lessons. NFL, Neuromas forking live on.

I’ve made really dumb mistakes in life, and I want all to know that I’m really sorry for those that I have hurt.  I can honestly say I didn’t intend to do it. This battle in life is quite the journey, I say. I do know one thing and that is if you can’t face up to your errors, you will never improve yourself as a person. Wow, I’m turning into a Ghandigreen.

Trivia #1: Do you know that I was once reported dead in a helicopter crash in Hawaii?

Trivia #2: I once hit balls out of my room thru the sliders into the swimming pool of the hotel across the street (not sure I should mention that tho – never said I was smart – never broke anything by the way – Hawaii also)

Trivia #3: I saved my sister from drowning in the ocean off of Molokai – also Hawaii – that was quite an adventure – she has never gone back in the ocean after that.

OK. so there are my thoughts as of this moment.

I think I’ve lost too many cells.

Ken

Ouch says the one legged fat guy from Ct.  I gave it a try and played pretty well considering how longs it’s been since I’ve done anything. A 74 would’ve been a lot better if I didn’t have 3 monster lip outs – I’ve forgotten how bad those piss you off when they happen.  I simply could not play the next day.

I’m trying hard to be patient with the kryo blast procedure, so I’ll just wait it out. Today is not so bad.  Yesterday might have been my worst day ever for pain, so how does one figure this stuff out?

I’ll be heading back to see my Mr. Munch on Monday and just wait it out with him as to what I do next.

By the dog’s tail – I have a debate with a fellow human – what is the first thing you think about when you wake up every morning? Is it consistently the same thing or different daily?  

Calc told me that Sahalee is playing stupid hard, so the scores will be high in the Senior Open.

Swing hard,

Ken

Hello good people of planet earth!  It’s only 7:50 am and I’m going insane again!

I’m on orders to accomplish nothing for a few days so here I am disobeying my orders by doing a blog, this is a semi violation of conducting unbecoming a professional patient. My kryoblast supposedly went well but I will not really know anything for a few days more

The CT Open [July26-28] is not looking real good but I still have hopes of doing something stupid.

Speaking of stupid I have no choice but to mention how idiotic some of the announcers were in regards to lambasting Tiger for switching putters.  How on earth can they figure out what the best putter on the planet is doing wrong in regards to why and if he should have ever switched? He managed to change women all the time so why not putters? Then they have the audacity to critique all the guys who putted bad during that wind storm. It’s just impossible to putt in those conditions.

I would like you all to know that up to this point I actually thought I was the most unorganized dope in the country.  I do believe that the Obama administration may now have slurpped ahead of me after this Sherrod fiasco.

I saw recently that the 2 highest paid athletes in the world were Tiger & Phil – I’d like to say that its a testament to their integrity but I do say its just that corporate America wants to entertain their clients with these damn good golfers. I’ll have you know that I fell out of the Top 10 due to a recent slump.

Take care and I’ll keep you posted,

Ken

Well, it’s Open week and at least I have something to watch as I slowly rot away into a ball of stupidity.

I’m ready for step 2 in this idiotic trip I’m on! I will be getting a Kryosomething done on Monday. If this works, I may get anywhere from 1 week to 3 years of relief. I’ve got to give this a rip before we do the surgery, as I might get lucky and have some painless days ahead of me.

The sad thing is that I’m not sure I will be able to play in the CT Open on the 25th of July. I really wanted to play, but it’s just not up to me at this moment. I may be able to play or not, it just depends on how my body reacts to all the big arse needles they stick me with. However, even if I’m able to play, it will be with absolutely no work done on the game. I would be asking for a mini miracle just to make the one day cut.

So, I will just have to patiently wait and see. This is clearly one of my strong suits, patience. I must give props to the doctors as they are all going out of their way to give me a chance to slap that square ball around.

Now on a side point – how is it that in all the other sports cheating is ok, but in golf we are the most honest people on the planet. Except for Finchem.  Anyway, M Young of the Rangers last night struck out last night and then they threw him out as the catcher dropped the ball. Wait! The umpire then ruled it was a foul – OK, he thought it was. So now Young gets another chance and gets a hit, then he scored and the Sox lose. My point is he knew he did not foul tip it, but says nothing. We call things on ourselves that no one sees in golf. I know this is dopey on me by bringing this up but wouldn’t it have been great if he turns and says “no sir I whiffed it, I’m out”?  Now I hate the Sox, but damn why can’t we do the right thing?!

Calc is in great position after 2 rounds and maybe he can fire it up over the weekend. I loved Daly’s comment in the interview room, “I’ve never run away from my mistakes” or close to that. Wow, is he kidding us. That’s like saying my ex-wife is not wrong in the head or I’m missing a leg and a brain.

Mr. Munch called me last night and has said either get home or he’s out. So I’m going home soon. I’m anxious about Monday as I’m just worn down by these days of pain. I complain too much, sorry.

With that I wish you all good days and smiles to all.

Ken