So being as I’m wondering what to do to vent, I say speak stupid things Ken. “Not Gungrump”, who is running for the GOP spot to battle the holy one, has irked me today. First of all is character is flawed and we all know it. His ego is similar to all who are in the planets gift to the world, off the charts. His IQ is only 100 or so more than me but the issue I have is this. He made about $3.1 million gross last year. He donated less than 3% to charity. How on God planet can you be so thoughtless? I will not vote for him just for that alone, and I’m not at all a fan of the Obama policies. I live off the money my friends and strangers were kind enough to help me through this ordeal, until I can get back on track. I get 5 pills a month and this past year I gave 1/3 of it to help others. I’m not saying he should be giving 33% to others, but please tell me that’s brutal. I guess that Tiffany line is there for a reason.

It is my belief that it is my job to do whatever I can to help others, no matter how I do it. Either with money, golf, inspiration or anything else I come up with. I pray that I will always remember that I’m afloat because of kindness and I’m going to go out and return it in triple if I can. I will preach to any that they go that extra step and do just a little more than normal.

I received a bazooka shot in the head today for my blistering headaches and I’m very encouraged that we are going to see some results. I’m even more excited about the fact that if we do get relief, I might be able to get a freeze to this part of the head and that would be some sort of permanent relieve, a year or so. I’ve bitched enough about my double pain, so I’m trying to get away from that as I’m refocusing my game plan.

I will be allowed to swing again the first of the month, and am absolutely psyched. I can’t wait to go man v legless wonder to see if we can get better than what I am now. If I had to be honest, I would say I’m about 6 shots worse than I use to be (flat courses -hilly no chance).  My hope is to get it to 3. I will never be the same, but fork it I’m going to keep trying.

If you don’t want to receive any blogs please let me or Col know, as I don’t want to bore, insult, crudedme,(new KG word) or anything else.  I was scolded like the good old days for my Top10 blog, which means I had to take “bean demon” off my list. Waiting for Funny Tummychum to ask next.

On a serous point I just quickly bang out picks for the early birds and some may very well not want anything to do with my skills as a bloggolferleglessdude.

Be good my friends,

Ken

10) I get to use the handicap parking spots

9) It’s much easier for me to roll over while in a sexual frenzy if you elect to alter the current position

Women don’t look at me as a threat but a nice sympathetic man who needs love

7) If I so desire I can bring Mr. Munch with me wherever I so desire

6) I am the best one legged bowler on the planet – 201 avg.

5) Spirits from the other side are talking to me now

4) I don’t have to get up and get out of bed in the middle of the night if I have to go pee wee, I just use the male urinal and then Munch flushes for me

3) Because I live on pain medicine I have an insane ability to remain very active while in the middle of love making which allows my girl to be happy for a long, long time (damn I phrased that so delicately don’t you think?)

2) I’ve been able to satisfy an urge to be a writer. All my life I wanted to be and simply had no skills or intelligence. Even though I still have none, I now have at last count 36 people whose days are now better when I release my inner thoughts

1) I am the best one legged golfer in the universe

Be good my friends,

Ken

So, most of you know I’ve been sitting on my butt recovering – I do that well, I may add. Anyway, besides losing my once powerful glutes (girls loved these things when I displayed them in public, I may add again), I was playing musical channels and hit the golf channel on some wishes for 2012. Now, because I’m feeling so much better I have no choice but to lambast them. I’m starting to think I need to go to work for them because they have lost it. I do believe that Palmer would not allow them to hire me because he’s afraid of my vocal chords – I am too.

Anyway, I’m confused how guys who used to be golfers turn into rambling dopes once they become “media”. Brandle Chamblee is a good guy, but he’s starting to catch the JM disease of liking to hear himself too much, and now he’s throwing in a little McCord and using vocabulary that normal people refuse to use. They are big on saying how it’s a big new global game. Understand this: golf survives because of the USA and nothing else. They are preaching ‘global golf’ because they cover it – it’s a self-serving goal.

Luke Donald had a wonderful year, but ask any player what he would want – two wins and the money title or 2 wins with one a major. The players need to make up their minds what they cherish the most, majors or pure consist golf.  Like yell majors, then bone Keegan. It must be male putt-a-pause. The Golf Channel loves the world rankings, so I think they should invent rankings for golf writers and TV reporters.

Luke stated he thought Rory had more natural talent than Tiger – holy ship he must be drinking out of the claret jug, wait, he must have been with d Claris house. That comment is like saying politicians are doing a great job. I like Rory, I do think his career will be fantastic, but there is no way you can compare to two at this stage, nor when he hits 35 I think. I hope Rory stays as Rory and doesn’t get stuffed into the right mode baloney. He’s a good man as he is. Now on that point, he is clearly better than Tiger.

I do believe that Lexi Thompson will be a dominant player and only she knows what is in her heart in terms of motivation. However, if she does have that spirit, she will rip Annika and all the other records from the books. I’m thinking of having a sex change: I’m already hitting it like a girl, I have no ass, I’m bald, so I can use a multitude of wigs and I can just go gay, as I’m not giving up women for men.

I’m not sure if there can be a better year for golf than last year when you think about all the different stories, but I hope they can followup in 2012, as I truly believe the game needs help. The powers to be and power players need to get off their selfish glutes and come up with a game plan to revive the game.

On a more important note, I’m hoping to hit some balls by the end of the month and then I will do a full press and see if the body can withstand daily golf. I had such high hopes that I was going to pull this off when the accident occurred, and I never ever thought that I would be put in prison for 2 years.

Do you know that my unique charm & personality doesn’t mix very well with a European beauty?  Those euros are on a different planet. I’m starting to understand why we left them way back when. But, because I’m such a love,r I’m going to keep working on her. We Americans are persistent, yes?

By the way my last bowling series before the knockout was a 738, 246 avg. Sweet momma!

Best in 2012 to all of you my friends,

Ken

I’m stuck in bed due to rashes that will not allow me to put on my leg by the way. Part of this nasty world I’m living, one more day (been 3) and I should be good to go.

Do you know that my mom once saw a psychic who said I would be going to a new area where there are mountains and that I would come away as the winner.  She told her this before the news broke that we would be going to playing at Castle Pines and the International.  I won the first one.

I’m not so sure I shouldn’t have won the 2^nd, as John Cook never signed a scorecard and should have never been playing the final round. (truth be told is that I don’t know if the person who should have been playing would have beaten me, but I’m guessing no.  The sad thing is that the tour made the decision when they found out, not sure when but a year or so – there is no doubt in my mind that their personal opinion of me was a factor in not doing the right thing. This was also right in the time of the PING lawsuit that I was a part of. Add it up and it smells. It has turned out to cost me dearly, as one of the reasons the Tour said I was not given my year back was because I was not fully exempt in that I was potentially not eligible for every event.  If I had a 6th win, I would have been ahead of the other 2 who had 5 wins and would have been “fully guaranteed”.  

Another strange twist of lies from the Tour is this: another reason they gave me was that they didn’t want to add me to the field because they didn’t want to go to 81 or more players in the field. Just keep it at 78. They have just approved an amendment and decided to play with 81 players, so now they can give more spots to the open qualifiers.  I’m very happy they have done this – it’s the right thing to do – please don’t misunderstand me and I’m not ripping the players as much as the top of the chain. The players have helped me in many ways, and they are the ones responsible for me being able to get my new ‘I Walk’ foot that is fantastic for moving around. Mike Reid is the one who started the ball rolling for the 2nd year of Pro-Am money going to me.

The costs for my up keep is stupid expensive – insurance companies are brutal on what they cover for prosthetic care. If you knew how many families can’t afford new leg for their kids, you would be amazed. Most companies only cover one leg and kids grow, so just add it up. I’ve said too much.

Have a merry Xmas Everyone,

Ken

If it works for a couple weeks, I will let you all know about it. Sadly, I will have to charge you for it, as that’s what a good old fat American capitalist does. The good news is that the money will go to The Dogs and not my gut. It will be really cheap and will only take you 4 years of monthly payments.

Storms came rolling through just as we finished yesterday, and soon after the leg went haywire and hasn’t stopped yet. My first no sleep in month.

I was watching the Hong Kong Open, and it reminded me of the time I won that event many moons ago. I’ll never forget the skins game we had before the event. It was me, Langer, Ozaki and the local hero whom I’m sorry to say I don’t remember. Going into the last hole it was a 8-hole carry over. It’s a really good hole and even better back then (tech & distance now).  Well, Langer and Ozaki hit brutal tee shots and were basically out of the hole. It was me v hero. I hit a absolute push shank with a 5-iron to the far right side of the green. The pin was on the front left so I was only about 80 feet. The young man hit a good shot, but came up a tad short put it was an easy chip of only 30 feet. In an awkward sense of sly sportsmanship, they elected to let him go first and put the pressure on me, I guess. So, if you get a chance to watch it try and see how hard this putt is, because besides the length it also has a ridge. He chipped it to tap in range so I was praying for a par and a playoff.  I hit this bonzi putt and waited for the damn thing to stop rolling. 50 seconds later, it dropped into the hole. Scary lucky, I’ll never forget the crowd, who was obviously pulling for their guy, didn’t make a sound for about 10 seconds, and then they realized it and started to clap. I stunned them.

Now I’m watching the South Africa event, I don’t watch the old guys too much because it kind of hurts knowing I should be out there. You would think I would be over that by now, but I just can’t help myself. Those greens down there might have been the best I’ve ever putted on. This was 20 years ago too, and they were that good. One of these days I may open my mouth and tell some stories about my adventures down there, there were some classic stories.

I heard Tiger and many others talk about releasing the putter and that you must do that to putt well. Bull dong from elephant bong! Putting is 98% 3 things and all great putters do this.

1) Reading

2) Control of speed

3) Confidence

IT’S THAT SIMPLE. I’ve seen people with great one & twos but no threes. Today’s greens are so good, the stroke is irrelevant (besides the ugly of ugly).

On a side note, there has been some discussion on who is the best short game guru of golf. They say Tiger, Phil and I say they are indeed great but I want you to think about this first. What people forget is that because today’s greens are so good and roll so consistently, it’s is much much easier to be consistent day after day. This next thought also applies to putting too.  Seve and Watson didn’t have that benefit back in the late 70’s, 80’s, and early 90’s. Back then, you had greens that were bumpy and the spike marks were all over the place. I know it seems like I’m being picky, but when you chipped, the ball would do all sorts of skids, turns, stop and it was whacky how weird your bounces were. This didn’t happen all the time but it affected many chips.

Another point that makes my case is this: every pro now is pretty good around the greens and that was not the case in yesteryear.  You had to be so precise then. Seve had the best hands in the game, period.

Be good, and I’m just kidding about charging you if my idea works, maybe.

Not a huge rush on shirts, so I guess my choice of shirts are not so good. I know it’s not the price.

[ http://www.kengreenscomeback.com/tracking-kgs-comeback/kens-new-nipper-haven-shirts-christmas-2011-special ]

I can light up the city of West Palm with all this electricity in my body right now.  Holy fork bat cow.

Ken

On the Men’s side, I have only 8 in each of 5 styles, L or XL.

For the Ladies, I have 8 in each of 2 styles, S, M, or L.

See the pictures below.

I didn’t want to get out of control, in case I can’t sell them. I’m still going to sell these for a Xmas Special of $50. We will make only $16, but I feel it’s important to use you guys as a step to bigger and better things down the road.  I’m a huge believer that when you sell something, both parties must come away happy or you don’t get many return buyers.

When I start feeling better after this surgery, I intend to really try and get this ball rolling and really make big strides.

I think I told you that I’ve rescued 2 Shepherds, and I must admit that Munch is not happy.  In a spoof out of SNL, the new one jumped our fence and snuck into the house via the back dog door, where I was feeding the usual three. All hell broke loose, my leg was only half on and when the fight broke out I was knocked to the ground and my leg went flying. Now picture me, the old fat one legged dude in the middle of a 3-way brawl. My face was teeth high and I was trying not to lose my face and break up the fight. I would like to say, I was heroic and pulled it off smoothly. Twelve holes later in my arm and body, I guess I was. Good news is they were fine. It happens, and I will just keep trying to blend them.  I didn’t get along with Finchem when I first met him, and look how close we are now. We are not the Brady bunch here. More like the Freddy Krueger family meal plan. Hope you like the shirts and hope you buy some.

RECAP OF MY NEW NIPPER HAVEN SHIRTS:

We have 2 Ladies sytles, pictured together (S– M– L):

#L1: White/Red

#L2: Green/Blue

We have 5 Mens styles (L or XL):

#M1: White with Turquoise/Navy Stripes on sleeve & back

#M2: White with single Dark Blue Stripe on sleeve & shoulder

#M3: Black-Red-Ivory-Brown Stripes (dark)

#M4: Blue & Navy Stripes (dark)

#M5: White-Grey-Yellow Stripes (my favorite)

Ken

= = = = = = HOW TO ORDER XMAS SPECIAL NIPPER CLUB SHIRTS: 

BUY VIA PAYPAL:

1. Go to www.paypal.com and log in and click on SEND MONEY.
2. Enter GreensDogHaven@gmail.com in the “TO” box, and $50 into the AMT box.
3. Chg. To PERSONAL/GIFT – waives the Receiver 2.5% PayPal Fee! Click CONTINUE.
4. Enter STYLE & SIZE (ex: L2 M) in the MESSAGE box at the bottom.  Also,  SHIP-ADDRESS (if different from PayPal info), email-address, and phone# in case any questions.

FYI, Paypal is free to the Sender – the Receiver pays a 2.5% Fee.  Great for buying things on Ebay.  Signup Free at www.paypal.com .

OR BUY VIA SENDING $50 CHECK (with STYLE & SIZE) Directly to Ken:

Green’s Dog Haven
11854 Orange Grove Blvd.
W. Palm Beach, FL 33411

ANY Questions, email Ken DIRECTLY at kjg85@pgatour.com

I’m not so sure I can say to many good things on the Norman front though. I think I heard that they are lobbying for more picks. His picks the past 2 years are from Buddha Buttkicker. If you earn your way on the team over the qualifying time, you go battle.

Sometimes you are on and other days you’re not. Much like diarrhea, sometimes you are solid and sometimes you simply are the wet willy wiper. I’m tired of the media thinking that a player (any sport) can turn a switch and be superhero. I will stick with golf, if it was that easy Jack would have 30, Tiger 25, Hogan 24, me 1.

I will say that it’s a shame that the PGA of America won’t adopt some of the ideas that are used by the Presidents Cup though. Ego, vanity, pride and stupidity run amuck in our world. The classic would be match-ups, pick who plays who. The whole world would rather see that, even Mr Munch. Sitting 4 every match is a disgrace also. The bare minimum should be 2 only. Both sides are very deep now, so it shouldn’t matter. It’s a shame that some guy plays his balls off & then the heroic captain sits him till the singles, and also expects him to be the team cheerleader.   The other thing that is political bull dong: the fact that they never go to the great track that know one knows. The next 2 cups are at Medinah and Muirfield. Holy no ship batman.

Now here is a Ken green special: if you really want to find out who is really a great swinger of the ball, I suggest you have one best-ball match each day where they are allowed to use only 7 clubs. The captain will have to decide very early and tell his 2 players to figure it out. Then the truly worker of the ball will be found. The loser of that match gets to set up a rematch for dollars down the road. I’m also a believer that every pro event should be limited to only 10 clubs. Make your brain and skill a factor again. We hacks can use whatever we want. Enough of that ship.

We have rescued 2 more dogs from the death walk. These two, Storm & Ria, are German Shepards and will both be staying with me. They are both gentle souls, but my lovely Munch has a little ugly demon in him and has yet to accept them. Time will heal this. He is not too fond of the muzzle that I make him wear when he is around them. I had to break up a fight where the only one hurt was me. Go figure, blood flowed for hours and munch licked it for hours too.

I will be having surgery soon in hopes of eases this world of forking ugly I live in! I’m positive it will work.  I look forward to being a human on a daily basis instead of every third day. Two zombie, one human. I should apply for a role on Walking Dead series. Maybe that hot chick can blow my head off.

Ken

Webb Simpson has had a great year and the dopey announcers insinuate that the caddy is responsible for him being 1 1/2 shots better in his scoring average. How about he just played great and give him the credit? They also made a big deal of the speed changes in every round. Bull dong. These are the best and we are used to playing different speeds all the time. They deserve soap in the you-know-where.

Miller loves to say that it’s the pressure when a guy screws up a few shots. Has it ever occurred to him that somedays, you just don’t have it?  How did he ever lose a tournament in his heyday?  He was an insanely good ball striker, but can you image what he would say about himself today the way he putted? He was just a bad putter as pros goes. Sometimes that’s how it goes in this game. The quote that is pure stupidity out of a golf announcer who said, “I think he would like to make it!” That’s like saying I’d like to have my leg back.  I hope the Internationals comeback and make it close, otherwise it’s a dull boondoggle. But I can’t wait to hear the quotes out of Miller if it’s a blowout.

Ken

Because I’m the legless genius and am considering running for office, I need to let my 5 skeletons out of the coffin before my opponent buys my darling ex-wife.

1) I suck in bed

2) I spend more than I take in

3) I’m a diehard racist: ie, against people who hunt for fun. Why don’t they go hunt each other and the best man wins?

4) I’ve yet to play in a threesome

5) Unlike Tim “Treasury” Getnabbed, I am a dumb one iron and do not understand the tax code and therefore have cheated on my returns. I thought I was a conservative but I see the light now, I’m a liberal just like my friendly lawyer. 

Seeing has I’m on a Top5 roll, I’m now doing the Top5 golfers I have the Least and Most respect for:

Most: 1) Jack 2) Byron 3) Fuzzy 4) Bernhard 5) Price

Least: 1) Monty 2) Faldo 3) Seve 4) Daly 5) Snead

Top5 rough roads:

1) Ben Hogan 2) Eric Compton 3) The Babe 4) Stuart Appleby 5) Jose Maria

Top5 worst putters but really good players:

1) Miller 2) Lehman 3) Singh 4)  Wadkins 5) Langer

These may seem strange because some have won a boatload, but I think if Tiger-Jack-Tom had putted for these guys, they would all have doubled their wins. Lehman might have quadrupled his.

Take care,

Ken

Now that I’m in a state of perfect harmony, I have no choice but to destroy some. First up are the sports writers. I just watched the “around the horn” & first take show. I’m disgusted with these know-it-all guys thinking that they are the Kardashians.  They insult without having any clue what they are doing.  I’m going to give ESPN a call and go take on that insult of a human sports writer “scoopy boobless” aka skip bayless guy.  The Kardashians are my idols!  How can you not respect a family that has risen from the sewer to the upper class sewer?  You know you have hit the lottery when rats won’t even stay in the same sewer with you.  Money makes people do disgusting things. I guess I should applaud them for at least screwing the world over has a family.

Rafi Torres, the hockey guy, is getting hammered for dressing up as Jayz – wow, you can’t even have fun on Halloween anymore.  It’s insensitive they say – insane.

I have some shirts left over, so I’m going to give you a shot at another Nip Haven shirt if you so desire. I have carolina blue, red, and navy that I would like to get rid of before I get ready for next year’s new ones.  The Xmas special is $40 for shirt & hat.  No brainer!!

Thanks for letting me release my frustration. I’m so forking pissed. By the way we are now taking care of 8 animals – going slow, but it’s a start.

Ken