KG’s Blog Post #55 – 5/10/10 10:01am

Monday Morning Boredom,  

It’s forking freezing here in Birmingham. But this will turn to really hot in two days. The course is playing pretty fast so the length issue will not be as bad as I had worried. Good for me. Bad news is that I definitely don’t remember it being this hilly. The lies are going to make me look like a Sunday slasher on Elm Hill Street. But I’ve gotta learn somewhere. The tees are much more elevated also which means ouch for me unless I just park the cart real close – I’m hoping for this option.

I’m trying to figure out how to leave my window open at night so I can let this peeing monster out by himself. Now I must building an elevator for him.

Well, back to the course – the greens are much more elevated too, which means my chipping stances will be really tested this week. A damn lot of tests this week I say. Anyway I have a few more Greenisms for you.

1) Johnny Miller has lost what brain cells he had left – NBC and Zuckerman too!!

2) Steve Nash needs to remember he came here legally – it seems rather strange a foreigner comes here and earns millions in our country and has the audacity to complain about a bill that he probably hasn’t read in its full context. Like our dopey politicians.

3) Ken Green must stop getting up so damn early so he doesn’t mumble so much.

4) I’m going to get a new Adams driver that will flight lower and run like Munch burger.

5) I’m going to try out a men’s version of a Capri length slack on my right side so when I have to keep cleaning off the sweat I don’t have to strip naked all the time. I’m gonna look like a complete loonytoon on smack. I will match my personality for once. 

6) Tiger is finding out that stress does awful things to the body.

7) Fear only me swinging a club with a thong on and your day will be fantastic.

Ken

14 Responses to “KG’s Blog Post #55 – 5/10/10 10:01am”

  1. Tom Briggum says:

    The capris looked pretty cool yesterday, but another approach is to take your slacks to a tailor and have them put an invisible zipper at least 18 inches long on the inseam. Makes it easy to get to the leg for adjustments or drying when you need to.

  2. Larry Pridgeon says:

    Mr. Green -

    As you can tell from my email address, deadsolidperfect, I have a passion for the game.

    Was always aware of you, loved your attitude, loved your ball striking, closed my eyes when you putted.

    What happened to you is not fair!

    I had a severe reaction to a cholesterol drug that damaged my right leg, i.e. no strength and it is not fair, but much more so than what happened to you.

    What exercises and/or practice drills are you doing to accomodate?

  3. Jude says:

    Ken, I will be praying hard for you and wishing you the best in Birmingham (and everywhere else). I just read the article by Steve Irvine and thought it was great. I haven’t written much but that hasn’t kept me from praying for you. Like you said, just getting out there is a major victory. God bless you…and don’t ever stop believing in Him or in yourself.

    Jude

  4. KARL from CT says:

    Ken, Good Luck, we’re with you buddy

  5. Gary Perkinson says:

    Good luck in Birmingham, KG!

  6. Stacy K says:

    Wow! I just read about all the stuff you have been through in your life. I just want to say it’s amazing how you are still going strong. I admire that so much. May God be with you every day to help keep you a strong person. I wish you the best of luck in every endeavor. May God Bless you and your loved ones. :)

  7. Chuck Almond says:

    Ken,
    Go out and have a great week, and don’t forget to enjoy the the course as much as you appeared to enjoy composing Blog #55!

    CA

  8. N.G.Simon says:

    ah,the Green humor,brings back memories of Uncle Shady.Guacomole green shoes,capris,and a wild ass Hawaian shirt and you’ll be good to go!Will Shelly be caddying for you?We know you’ll give it your best,and we’re with you all the way!Nick

  9. package says:

    Hello Pro…sorry for the confusion where you are this coming weekend. Good luck this weekend…see you soon when you come north.
    PS: A thong??? yea right…boxers would be just as ugly on those legs.

  10. Chris Brion says:

    Yes your sense of humor is returning once again. You should slap on a pair of GREEN knickers to truly return to your old form. Green knickers, long white and green checkerboard socks, GREEN shoes that would be awesome. You may need someone to send you a color wheel though because I can remember watching you on TV as a kid, scratching my head and thinking “That doesn’t really match those shoes???” Have fun and enjoy the process this week as it is only one big step in the process. You have come a LONG way, but you have done it one step (literally) at a time, so go out with no expectations this week. I will watching and praying for your.

    Chris

  11. Colonel says:

    KG, re: “7) Fear only me swinging a club with a thong on and your day will be fantastic.”

    Only one thing worse: the thong falls off on the takeaway. I’m picturing a nice, long pose-holding finish for maximum effect. (a video of that might be a good terrorist interrogation tool, come to think of it).

  12. Dick Cote says:

    Glad to see your sense of humor is intact.#7 was a gut buster !

  13. Ken,
    Have a great week!!!!!
    Michelle

  14. Larry Mowry says:

    LOL…love your sense of humor Ken :) :)
    Adams will make a running fool driver for you I’m sure!!!
    The best of everything for you…especially luck..I know you’ll putt the eyes out of those greens there…have a fun week and please get plenty of rest in-between rounds.
    I do not wanna picture you swing in a thong thanks anyway!! LOL

    L Mowry

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