KG’s Blog Post #123 – 9/18/11 1:00am (My Battle; Xmas coming, Nipper’s)
Good day my friends. I’m writing you with anger in my head. I’m angry at myself and no one else. Many of you know that I Have fought depression for the last 15 years or so. I stopped taking pills just before I turned 50 as I wanted to focus and concentrate and have total motivation for the new world I was about to tackle. Not too many people get a second chance and I was lucky enough to get it. As you know I was turning the corner and about ready to explode. Due to very little competitive golf I got off to a slow start, but I was so psyched that things were turning the corner before all hell came flying out of the sky. I distinctly remember telling Billy & Jeannie on the way home from Austin that from here on in it was going to be pure excitement, as I knew I was back. I’m not sure why I’m telling you this but you know me. Anyhow, even after the accident I was determined to get back and play pro golf for them, me, handicapped, and anyone I might give a lift to.
I don’t want to give you the feeling that I’m bitching about all that has happened after the accident, but I guess I am. Losing my son Hunter, the decision by the tour to stick a knife in me, and the pain were just too much. I promise you that I’ve been fighting like a mad demon, but my brain has just stopped producing that dopey serotonin that we need so badly. It’s taken a long time but it has finally hit me. I’m going back on a anti-depressant and this time around, at least I recognized it before I did something stupid. I am totally confident that in 3 or 4 months I will be my idiotic self. My problems may still be there but I will be able to fight on with a clear and level-headed mind.
I feel like a bit of a failure right at the moment but that will stop once I start thinking like a human again. It is absolutely amazing what goes through your brain when you are in a mindset of depression. I want you to know that it is still my dream to play pro golf again and once this damn pain stops is when I will find out if I can do it or not. There is no one on the planet who can play pro golf without being able to work on the game, much less trying to do it on one leg with a new swing. The difficult problem is that I don’t have much time left so I sure hope this pain thing ends soon.
Ok enough on my issues. I sure hope that Couples takes Keegan Bradley, if he misses out, for the Presidents Cup. It would be a huge miscarriage of justice if he is not on the team. Fred has stated that Tiger will be on the team so that means there is only one left. I’ve said this before but it’s simply about winning. Good consistent finishes mean you are consistent but that doesn’t mean you have the mindset to finish under the gun. Rickie Fowler was picked for the Ryder without winning yet, and that was wrong. He will eventually figure it out but until he does you want someone who coming down the stretch won’t pull a slight panic. M Kuchar is a terrific young man but there is the question of why doesn’t he win more when he’s in the hunt so much. Is it a closing issue or bad luck?
Throughout history there are good closers and pitiful ones. Ben Crenshaw has a fantastic record of closing when in the hunt, Tiger is stupid good, Jack was Jack, Couples was not exactly a great closer, Norman was so good, yet he didn’t win even close to enough tournaments. Sometimes you learn it through just playing, Tom Watson was known as suspect until he figured it out and look how he finished. I’m proud of my record when in the hunt, I can honestly say I never choked in any event I was close to. I did get flat out beat but never choked. I did choke all the time when I was hovering around 10th and trying to get to 5th ‘cause I started thinking about the extra cash and blew my wad numerous times. That’s one of the great aspects of playing today in that after one or two decent years you never have to worry about money ‘cause you already have plenty.
Xmas is coming and I will have a great chance for you Nip Haven members to get SOME CLUBS AT MY COST. My way of saying thank you for your support now and of course your continually support. I will keep you posted.